The Property Brothers Grimm
INT. GERMAN COTTAGE
The Property Brothers bust through a dusty wall, uncovering an old tattered book.
JONATHAN
Wow! An original Brothers Grimm manuscript.
DREW
Now THAT’S vintage.
Jonathan and Drew read the incantation along the spine.
JONATHAN & DREW
To survive the stories within only brothers of true heart will defeat the authors Grimm.
The manuscript falls to the floor, magically burning a hole in the carpet, revealing herringbone floors.
DREW
Hiding hardwood under carpet? Unbelievable.
JONATHAN
Looks like we just saved a TON on the reno budget.
The book flips open creating a vortex that begins to pull our brothers in.
JONATHAN
Drew! You prankster!
DREW
Me?! Did Linda put you up to this?
INT. NEARLY REMODELED KITCHEN
The brothers’ bodies wave like flags in midair as they struggle to hold onto the newly installed kitchen island.
DREW
Wow, this waterfall edge is so seamless I can barely hold on.
The brothers lose their grip and fly towards the book.
JONATHAN
You can really feel the open concept now.
The brothers are sucked into the book like a pair of stars into a black hole. The book slams shut.
INT. GINGERBREAD HOUSE
Jonathan and Drew awaken, tied back to back, inside a steaming cauldron.
DREW
These oversized fireplaces are a real showstopper.
JONATHAN
But these historic homes can be a structural NIGHTMARE.
The brothers rock side to side causing the cauldron to break free from its licorice chain, dumping Jonathan and Drew onto the floor.
A witch runs into the kitchen, holding an oversized cleaver.
WITCH
I’m not letting another meal get away!
The witch lunges towards the brothers.
JONATHAN
Adding butcher’s block to the wishlist.
Jonathan peels up a plank of graham cracker flooring blocking the witch’s strike.
Drew roundhouse kicks a decorative candy cane column dislodging it from the ceiling.
DREW
It’s great when you can open up these sight-lines.
Drew impales the witch with the candy column spraying blood onto the brothers’ matching flannels.
EXT. FOGGY WOODS
Jonathan and Drew exit the gingerbread house and spot a stone tower in the distance.
JONATHAN
It’s a bit of a commute but I hear the views are amazing.
DREW
I’ll write up an offer.
The brothers arrive and circle the tower. They struggle to find a door.
JONATHAN
This is no good. I’m imagining a grand entryway with French doors, marble flooring
DREW
And of course a spiral staircase.
Cut to a CG model of the stone tower transforming. Bricks and beams fall away as shiplap, brass fixtures, and a farmhouse sink fly into place.
The brothers enter the instantly renovated tower. A long blonde haired woman runs down the stairs to greet them.
RAPUNZEL
WOW. I don’t even recognize the place anymore!
JONATHAN
We have a little surprise for you.
Jonathan spins a new salon chair around revealing Drew playing with his hair.
DREW
You can give yourself a new ‘do’ in the comfort of your own-
A loud crash interrupts the fun as we see a castle crumble in the distance through our new bay windows
JONATHAN & DREW
A fixer upper!
EXT. CASTLE
The Brothers arrive at the castle, finding nothing but a pile of rubble.
DREW
These old homes can have a lot of character.
A giant wolf emerges from behind the rubble wearing a tattered cap and nightgown.
JONATHAN
And a lot of problems.
The snarling wolf charges the brothers.
JONATHAN
Luckily we planned for pests in our contingency.
Jonathan interlocks his fingers and catapults Drew into the air. Reaching into his tool belt, Jonathan pulls out his trusty sledgehammer.
The wolf dives toward Jonathan just as he swings his hammer, launching the beast into the air.
JONATHAN
Looks like we won’t need to pour new footings after all.
Drew greets the wolf midair with his elbow, smashing the monster into the ground.
The wolf’s jaw swings open freeing a grandmother and granddaughter trapped inside.
DREW
It’s always nice having extra storage.
JONATHAN
And a space to entertain family and friends.
As the dust settles the brothers are greeted by two cloaked figures.
JACOB GRIMM
You have proven yourselves Brothers of True Heart.
WILHELM GRIMM
Step forward and claim your prize.
The Grimms step aside, revealing a golden chalice and the tattered manuscript.
Drew and Jonathan step forward and lift the chalice together.
DREW
I know exactly what to do with this.
JONATHAN
Brothers till the end?
DREW (joking)
Unless I get there first!
Our brothers jump cannonball style into the manuscript while holding onto the chalice.
FADE TO WHITE SUBWAY TILE
INT. GERMAN COTTAGE – FULLY RENOVATED LIVING ROOM
Drew sets the golden chalice on the fireplace mantle and proceeds to fill it with artichokes. Jonathan pats Drew on the back.
JONATHAN
That really brings the room together.
DREW (joking)
I wish we could say the same about your shirt!
The Scott Brothers (still covered in blood) start playfully roughhousing while the camera crew stands awkwardly nearby.
I’m a fan fiction writer now. I will never make another comic again. Only Property Brothers Grimm fairy tales going forward. Make me fan fiction famous by reading this all over again on Wattpad.
